The need for therpy

This all begins at 4:04 am on a Saturday morning.  I haven't seen too many of those in my life.   A chronic cough has impaired the last three weeks of existence, and I am unable to sleep.

I have not written in a long time, and to be honest, I haven't done much of anything in a long time.  I have turned into a anxiety ridden, emotionally brittle, introvert.....cynical, crass, and rude.

I wasn't always this way.  The reason I am writing is to give my thoughts to the world as to not be misunderstood, and also give me a chance to know myself.

I was thinking that when writing there is no filter between brain and page.  When living life, there must be a filter between brain and action.  I believe that I have lost this filter.  I have become no more than a dumb animal, incapable of feelings, cold, only out for self-gain and to fulfill the basic needs of being a man.

I do not like this person.  I hate this person.  It is a continuous circle.  The more I live this way, the worse I feel.  The worse I feel, the worse I act.   Kind of like Fat Bastard I suppose......but hey, Jared did it! ( I heard this guy likes his HD's, if you know what I mean...but he DID lose like 300 pounds...wow)  

So here I am. Exposed.  All out for the world to see.  (I will continue to keep secrets from you, world, because it makes me feel James Bond-ish, and that guy is my hero)

So I hope this therapy works.